Dad and Gracie

Conversation with Gracie this am, our last day together for a WHOLE week:

Gracie: "Gramma, can I take your sleep shirt home so I wont miss you? It smells like you."

Me: "Sure but I think the shirt might be smelly."

Gracie: "Thats okay. I love Gramma stink!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "When I grow up I want to be a gypsy. I will carry my lamp around."

Me: "That's not a gypsy, that's a Genie. Genies have lamps."

Gracie: "Well, then when I grow up I will be a gypsy and a genie...oh..AND a ROCKSTAR!"

Conversation with Dad tonight:

Me: "Okay Dad, I am going to give you a bed bath, just like I learned in nursing school."

Dad: "Okay."

Me: "I start and go from clean areas to dirty, so you know what THAT means right?"

Dad: "No."

Me: "It means I am cleaning out your mouth LAST!"

Dad: "hehe"

Me: "and you and I BOTH KNOW, if I had to scrub your mind, THAT would be last!"

Dad: ***BIG smile***

Me: "I'm also gonna clip your fingernails."

Dad: "Okay, but leave me ONE booger picker.

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: "Gracie, wanna see the project I did for my art class?"

Gracie:"Sure gramma."

Me:"okay it's weird and you might not understand. Don't judge me! See? What do you think?"

Gracie:"Ummmm...I'm judging you..."

Conversation with Gracie who is expecting a visit from the Tooth Fairy at my house tonight. The tooth is in my pocket:

Gracie:"Gramma, where is my tooth?"

Me: "I got it right here in my pocket." (The tooth has broken in two pieces and Gracie is now WAILING)

Gracie: "THE TOOTH FAIRY WONT TAKE BROKEN TEETH!"

Me: "Of course she will! No problem!"

Gracie: "NO, SHE WONT! ITS BROKEN! SHE WONT TAKE IT!"

Me: "Lets go ask Grampa if the Tooth Fairy takes broken teeth."

Gracie: "HE is NOT a LAWYER!"

Me: "WHAT!? We are going to SUE the Tooth Fairy? He is a COP. He KNOWS ALL THE LAWS...even the Tooth Fairy ones!"

Gracie: "But he CANT BOSS THE TOOTH FAIRY AROUND!"

Me: "Yes he can. He is the LAW and she HAS to OBEY!"

OFFICIAL VERDICT FROM GRANDPA: According to Section II, Code 34 of the Tooth Fairy law: As long as BOTH pieces of tooth are present, the Tooth Fairy HAS TO take it...AND BECAUSE it is broken, give her DOUBLE what she would normally get. CASE CLOSED. :D

Conversation with Bruce:

Me: "No offense babe, but you got a "resistant" personality."

Bruce: "No I don't...."

Conversation with Gracie after church this morning:

Me: "So Gracie, what did you learn at church this morning? Did you have a bible story?"

Gracie: "Yes. A guy killed another guy but God saved him cause he was...Egyptian. Then a fire bush spoke to the guy."

Me: "A fire bush?"

Gracie: "Yeah. A fire bush."

Me: "and it TALKED?"

Gracie: "It was GOD Gramma..."

Me: "God is a FIRE BUSH??!!

Gracie: "Well, He has to become SOMETHING when He talks to you!"

(out of the mouths of children :) )

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: "So Grace, how is school going?"

Gracie: "Hate it."

Me: "How come?"

Gracie: "I THOUGHT it was going to be different!"

Me:"Different?"

Gracie: "Yeah. They treat us like FIRST GRADERS!"

Me: "How?"

Gracie: "We STILL have to sit on a RUG!"

Me: "What were you expecting?"

Gracie: "Desks!..Well we have desks, but my teacher still makes us sit on a rug sometimes."

Me: "Why do you think she does that?"

Gracie:" She does that so she can sit in her ROCKING CHAIR! She brought it from home. I don't think that is fair!"

Me: "Its totally fair. You are not on the same level as her."

Gracie:" We are BOTH in second grade!"

Me: "True, but SHE teaches it. You are not on the same level."

Gracie: "Well, I don't even have a LOCKER!"

Me: "You are in the SECOND GRADE. What on earth would you need a locker for?"

Gracie: "Pfft..LIP GLOSS!"

Conversation with Gracie as she gets her 4th piece of cheese:

G: "Know why I eat so much cheese Gramma?"

Me: "Why?"

G: "Because I DONT EVER want to poop AGAIN!"

(Where is Freud when you need him? Haha)

Conversation with Gracie this morning as she sneaks into the room. A squeaky door gave her away:

Me: "Hey Gracie! How long have you been up?"

Gracie: "Long enough to make my own breakfast...and chew some gum."

Me: "THAT LONG?"

Gracie: "Yeeeeep!"

Advice from Gracie:

Gracie:"Taking a shower can lead to singing and singing can lead to dancing, and dancing can lead to slipping in the shower."

Me: "So what is your advice?"

Gracie: "Don't sing in the shower."

Conversation with gracie:

Gracie: "My dad got this movie and it had the devil in it with a devil book."

Me: "Devil?"

Gracie: "Yeah the devil. Do you know him?"

Me: "Umm..no, not personally, but it's possible I was married to him once."

Gracie: "What?"

Me: "Never mind."

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: "Gracie your face is all like, glowing. Did you use a new moisturizer?"

Gracie; "Its lip gloss."

Me; "You lip glossed your WHOLE FACE?"

Gracie: **big smile**

Me: "Okay then. Whatever works for ya"

Conversation with Gracie as she looks thru my college art book:

Gracie; "Gramma, what is this picture?"

Me: "It's art."

Gracie:" But I don't understand it! What is it?"

Me: "ART. It's art!"

Gracie:"But I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!"

Me: "that's why it's ART! You have to interpret it."

Gracie: *big smile* "Oooh I get it! When I grow up I am going to be an artist!"

Me: "Well, based on my definition Gracie, your entire life is art!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "gramma can we get some school supplies today?"

Me: "Sure. What do you need?"

Gracie: "Ohhh...lip gloss...pencils..

Conversation with Gracie, Nana and I before we go in to eat lunch:

Me: "Okay we are going into a restaurant. Are we screaming?

Gracie and Nana: "NO!!"

Me: "Are we running around?"

Gracie and Nana: "NO!!"

Me: "And what else?"

Nana: "We ain't actin' like FOOLS!"

Me: "Exactly. Let's do this!"

Conversation with Nate while choosing movies on our Nate n Granny weekend in South Haven:

Me: "Hey Nate! Wanna get Orange is the New Black? I hear it's good!"

Nate: "Yeah, if you don't mind watching porn with your grandson."

Me:"Oh..it's THAT bad? Are things going to be awkward if we get it?"

Nate: "Nawww. I will just fart during the awkward parts and it will be okay."

Quote from Gracie:

"Nana and I USED to be friends, then she....double dipped."

I have been warned.

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: "Gracie why are you putting lip gloss on your doll?"

Gracie: "Because...she wanted to feel pretty!"

Overheard while Gracie is playing with her dolls:

"I gotta get dressed for my gramma's funeral. Then there's an AFTER PARTY!"

THE ART OF MARITAL COMMUNICATION:

Bruce: "Well, I know what I am doing tomorrow. FIXING THE LAWNMOWER. I cant complain though, it is a... 1998."

Me: "So, what are you SAYING, Bruce?"

Bruce: "What?" (hehe)

Me: "YOU KNOW WHAT! I know what you are trying to say, so say it!"

Bruce: "Say what?"

Me: "JUST SAY IT. I already know what you are going to say next, so SAY IT!"

Bruce: "You want me to say what YOU THINK I was going to say?" (big grin)

Me: "Yes. Say it."

Bruce: "You think that I was going to say that I am going to get a new lawnmower."

Me: "EXACTLY. See, I knew what you were going to say. I just wanted you to say it."

And they lived happily ever after.....

Conversation with Bruce:

Bruce: "What are you going to do with all these pictures Grace made? They have been lying there on the table for three weeks."

Me: "I was going to throw them away, but I didn't want her to notice."

Bruce: "So....throw them out."

Me: "I can't. You have to. If I throw them away, it is the emotional equivalent of killing a puppy."

Bruce: "Really? Watch this..Done."

And NOW I am guilty by association...

Conversation between Seth and Gracie in the bathroom at the theater before the movie:

Me: "I want you two to go potty before the movie starts."

Sethy: "I can hold my potty a LONG time."

Gracie: (Not to be outdone) "I held MY potty ALL SCHOOL YEAR!"

Sethy: (who CANNOT be out done) "Oh yeah? I can hold MY potty... FOREVER!"

Which leaves Gramma leaking MY potty because I can't stop laughing at them :)

Conversation in the car as I take Seth and Gracie home:

Seth: "Gramma, can I play at Gracie's house?"

Me: "What? Now you want to play with Gracie? You two have bickered all day!"

Seth: "Well, I don't want to play with her...I just want to play with her stuff."

Quote from Gracie at Mcdonalds play place:

"Gramma, can you ground Sethy from his super powers? He kicked me."

Conversation between Seth and Gracie who seldom agree on anything:

Seth: "When you draw all over yourself, it changes you."

Gracie: "No sethy, it DOESNT."

Seth: "Yes it DOES!"

Gracie: "No it doesn't!!"

Seth: "YES... IT DOES!"

Gracie: "No it doesn't. I will show you. GRAAAMA CAN I HAVE AN INK PEN?"

Me: "Absolutely NOT!"

Conversation with Gracie this morning:

Gracie: "Gramma, people came from apes."

Me: "Do you really believe that?"

Gracie: "YEAH! Milam told me. And he is in FOURTH grade!"

Conversation with Gracie as we watch Dual Survivor, our favorite show:

Me: "Gracie, where does the sun come up?"

Gracie: "The East."

Me: "I am surprised you know that! Where does it set?"

Gracie: "The West!"

Me: "I can't believe you know that! Who taught you that?"

Gracie: "My gym teacher."

Conversation with Gracie as she blows bubbles in the backseat:

Gracie: "how old were you when you could blow bubbles gramma?"

Me: "Mmmm...probably 8."

Gracie: "That's because of technology. Did you have technology when you were little?"

Me: "No. We didn't even have microwaves."

Gracie:...WWWWHHHOOOOA.....How did you cook?"

Me: "We cooked on a stove."

Gracie: "Wow."

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "Gramma, I can survive in the wilderness with JUST BRICKS!"

Me: "Really? Just bricks? You are awesome at survival!"

Gracie: "Yep. Just bricks...and some food and water and I can survive in the wilderness!"

Me: "Now THAT, is impressive!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "Gramma, I need some big lady earrings."

Me: "What...Like hoops? Dots? Diamonds?"

Gracie: "Yes.Like diamonds."

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie:"gramma can I use the brush?"

Me:"Sure"

Gracie:"Can I use some lotion?"

Me:"Yep. Right here."

Gracie:"Can I use your lip gloss? My lips are dry."

Me:"Okay. Here ya go."

Gracie:"Can I use your blush?"

Me:"Nope."

Gracie:"WHY??"

Me: "Because you are seven. Nice try though!"

Princess Gracie

Gracie as she rewrites history: "The difference between an ocean and a sea is that the ocean had the Titanic in it. The driver was drunk. I am old school so I I know this!"

Random conversations while volunteering in Gracie's classroom today:

Kid: "There is a ghost on the playground. I am hunting it."

Me: "Really? Who is hunting it with you?"

Kid: "My invisible friend, Brad."

Me: "Oooookaaay. Are....uhhhhh..you on medication?"

------------------------------------

Me:"My favorite word is Laugh. What is your favoritest word..EVER?"

Kid: "I like the word "...Because!"

Me: "Because? Why do you like that word?"

Kid: "Because..."

Me: ?..."Well...Alrighty then!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "Macaroni and cheese was discovered by the Chinese."

Me: "I don't think so."

G:racie"Uhhh huh! It's on ALL the Chinese buffets!"

Conversation with Gracie as we walk into Culver's and she adjusts her tiara:

Gracie:"Maybe they will give us a discount!"

Me:"why would we get a discount?"

Gracie:"Because …I am a Princess!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Graice: "Are we going to the mall?"

Me: "I don't think so. Why?"

G:racie "I need new princess gloves."

Me: "We can do that. Do you want to put your three dollars toward them and I will kick in the rest?"

Gracie: "Welllll... How about you buy the gloves and I will get some makeup. That will be fair!"

Me: "How is THAT FAIR?"

Gracie:" Because....you..get to...play with me!"

Conversation with Gracie while exploring:

Me: "Gracie, maybe there are some baby frogs in here. What do they call baby frogs?"

Gracie: "Tadpoles."

Me: "Right. What do we call that green stuff in the water?"

Gracie: "Listen Gramma, I don't want you to RUIN my life by trying to teach me stuff...No wait...I Like it when you teach me stuff.."

Conversation with Gracie about the potential to find a coyote den while we explore behind our subdivision:

Gracie: "Are coyotes mean Gramma?"

Me: "I don't think so. I think they just don't trust people."

Gracie: "Well, I think we should tell them that there is a NEW girly girl in town and that is ME."

Conversation with Gracie at Meijers:

Me: "Gracie, dont let me forget bug spray."

Gracie: "Aaaand CANDY FOR GRACIE!"

Later..

Me: "Thanks for reminding me about the bug spray Grace. I almost forgot!"

Gracie: And don't forget...CANDY FOR GRACIE!"

A little later

G:racie "I get candy right?"

Me: "Sure." (she picks out Tic Tacs)

Gracie: "Gramma, you have some quarters...right?"

Me:" Yeees..." (we both know where THIS is going)

Gracie: "Can I have two?"

Me: "Sure."

Gracie: "I meant four...."

Conversation this morning at breakfast with Dad, Bruce, Gracie and I:

Bruce: "So, whats the plan today?"

Me:" Well, Gracie and I are going shopping, then we have to make lasagna for Mike and Mia, then we got some cookies to bake, a bike to ride, and then I will take her home, totally exhausted..."

Gracie: "NO....Gramma, YOU will be EXHAUSTED! I will be like Heeeyy!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: "Remember last year when you couldnt read? Boy, you sure have come a long way huh?

Gracie:"Yep. I am at Blue Dinosaur in reading."

Me: "Is that good? I don't know what Blue Dinosaur means."

Gracie: "It means I am almost to Two Hearts!"

Me: "Ummm...I still dont know what that means."

Gracie: "TWO hearts...Ya know..hearts!"

Me: .....?......

Gracie: Pffffft..."YEAH ITS GOOD!"

Conversation with Gracie as we play Connect Four:

Me: "Gracie I think I won. I got four in a row."

Gracie: "We are playing to five."

Me: "Okay. I just won again."

Gracie: "I meant we are playing to six."

Me: "Looks like I won that too."

Gracie: "Okay NOW we are playing to seven."

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie; "Gramma, I am going to make my bed and shut off my TV so I can come down here with you."

Me: "Okay but dont forget I am doing homework right now."

Gracie: "Like what homework?"

Me: "I have an 8 page statistical report to write."

Gracie: "OH! I CAN HELP YOU! And you don't even have to pay me back!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "Gramma, do you remember when I was a baby?"

Me: "Sure do. You were bald as a cue ball!"

Gracie: "It was worth the wait."

Me:"What do you mean?"

Gracie: "It was worth the wait cause I got blonde hair! It was definitely WORTH the wait!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie:" Gramma, do you have my emergency Chapstick?"

Me: "Yep. Right here."

Gracie: "Good. I am prettier without chapped lips."

Conversation with Gracie at Starbucks:

Gracie: "Gramma that boy in the honkie shirt keeps staring at me:"

Me: "HONKIE SHIRT??!"

Gracie:" Yes. He has a red honkie shirt on right there!"

Me: "Grace, that is a HOCKEY shirt!" Bahaha!

Quote from Gracie: "I just LOVE princess crap!!!"

Conversation with Gracie about the unusual amount of Harley Davidson clothes that grandpa has bought her:

"Gramma, why are ALL of my clothes Harley Davidson?!! EVERYBODY thinks I'm a BIKER...wait...that's COOL!"

Conversation with Gracie after Harley drank pond water:

"Gramma, you are going to have to brush Harley's teeth with your toothbrush."

Me:"Eeeeew! No way!"

Gracie: "Well, then use grandpas!"

Conversation with dad at lunch:

Me: "Dad, you and I need to get on a plane and fly to Jacksonville to see your sisters."

Dad: "I AINT gettin on no g*d d**m plane."

Me: "why not? We will be safe."

Dad: "Yeah tell that to those people on that Asian plane."

Me: "Come on! You would be with me. Besides, what you got to lose? Just think, in THREE short hours, we could be in Florida with your sisters!"

Dad: "Yeah..true...but I can make a PHONE CALL in a minute and a half and get the same thing...."

Conversation with Gracie on the way to Walmart:

Gracie:"I cant wait to get some nail polish and that lipstick you promised me!"

Me: "I did not promise lipstick. You are not old enough."

Gracie:" I am a woman Gramma! I brush my own teeth, I brush my own hair, I get myself dressed AND I got two dollars from the Tooth Fairy!"