More conversations

Conversation with Gracie as I yell up the stairs:

Me: "GRAAAACIE! Are you ready to get out of the TUUUUB?"

Gracie: "NOT YET I am not done SHAVING my FEEEET!"

Conversation with Milo Penning:


Me: "Hey, you know that bacon isnt going to fry itself...hehe"


Milo: "We dont have any bread."


Me: "So. Its.. BACON. The bread is just the vehicle to eat it"


Milo: "But I like the lettuce and mayo too."


Me: "So we can just squirt some mayo on it and top it with lettuce and tomato, like bacon nachos."


And that’s when I realized the GENIUS in that statement.....

Conversation with Milo Penning in the garage:

Milo: "This new snow blower is pretty easy to use."


Me: "That’s good."


Milo: "To start it you just do this...here is the choke..then you push this..then move this to....


Me: "WAIT a minute!! Are you showing me HOW TO USE THE SNOW BLOWER!!??"


Milo: "Well, just in case..."


Me: "Nope. Nice try though!!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: “So Gracie are you being a good girl in school?”

Gracie: “Weeellll...not... really, but they tell my mom that I am!"

Quote from Gracie: "Grammmmaw Fairies AREN’T REAL! Only the Tooth Fairy is real!

Quote from Gracie while she was tripping over her words:

Gracie: "Sometimes my head gets all twisted up."

Me: "Really? How do you fix it?"

Gracie: "I shake my head around like this....then it untwists itself."

Me: "Okay, so what were you trying to tell me?"

Gracie: "I (sigh) forgot...."

Quote from Gracie while watching an 80's hair band video: "Grandma these are boys but they are pretending to be girls!"

Quote from gracie "I am the goodest girl in the world… and it's MY world!"

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: “Who is that Chinese girl in your class? "

Gracie: “Oh her? She's not Chinese, she is lives in Battle Creek."

Me: “Come on Gracie! Wake up! This could be the BEST DAY EVER and you don’t want to miss it!

Gracie: "I had my best day ever... YESTERDAY Gramma."

ME: “Why was it the BEST day ever?

Graice: "Cause I got a muffin!"

I’m thinking the best of life philosophies come from the mouths of children.

Gracie is yelling at me: “GRANDMA! I’m in the TUB! You need to check on me to make sure I'm... SAFE! I’m staying the NIGHT YOU KNOW!”

Gracie is singing in the bath tub: “Hokey Pokey in the sky, how I wonder where your at. Up above the trees so high...Doo daa doodaa! There’s a fire starting in my heart...for chicken nuggets...but YOU don’t get no chicken. How do you know that you love her..there’s a fire starting in my heart...Grandma why are you laughing out there?

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: "I think that guy is illiterate."

Grice: "What does illiterate mean Gramma?"

Me: "It means he can’t read."

She looks up at me and cries: "I am illiterate too!"

Quote from Gracie this morning while cuddling in bed with TV:

Gracie:"I wanna see Shirley Nipple!"

Me: “WHAT!?”

Gracie: "I like Shirley Nipple. I wanna see her!"

Me: “OH! You mean SHIRLEY TEMPLE!”

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: “What your eyes for Gracie?”

Gracie: “TO SEE!”

Me: “Whats your ears for?”

Gracie: “TO HEAR!”

Me: “Whats your fingers for?”

Gracie: “TO PICK STUFF UP!”

Me: “What’s your belly button for?”

 Long pause...

Gracie:”TO PUT STUFF IN!”

Me: "So Gracie, you don't think I am an artist?"

Gracie: "No, you are just a Gramma...and a babysitter."

Conversation with Nathan as he was rubbing my head:

Me: "Nathan that feels so good! Maybe you will learn Reiki when you grow up."

Nathan: "Does that mean I will stink?"

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: ”Why did you stick your tongue out at that lady?”

Gracie: “I was trying to be nice, but my brain was being very, very mean!”

Conversation with Gracie while watching a video about Uganda:

Gracie: “Why are they sad Grandma?”

Me: “They are poor. Poor means they don’t have money or food.”

Gracie: “Don’t they have any magic beans?”

Conversation with Gracie at dinner:

Me: “Hey Gracie, What’s your favorite color?”

Gracie: “Purple and green.”

Me: “What’s your favorite part of your body?”

Gracie: “My face.”

Me: “What’s the worst present you could EVER get?”

Gracie: “A bug!”

Me: "So...Gracie, what is love?"

Graice: "Well, its air in your heart!"

Me: "So, Gracie, where exactly does God live?"

Gracie: "UP THERE!" (pointing up).

Me: "Okay then, how do you see Him?"

Gracie: "In the rainbows."

Conversation with Gracie, who lately, is thinking about Zombies: Gracie: "Zombies are my friends."

Me: "Really? I thought zombies were mean and scary."

Gracie: "Zombies need love. They keep their knives in their panties."

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "I think I will be a burglar when I get big cause they swing on ropes."

Me: "Yeah but they steal from people and are mean."

Gracie: "Well, maybe I can be the mother of burglars."

Me: "What ya doin’ Grace?"

Gracie:"Thinkin’.”

Me: "Bout what?"

Gracie: "Losers...I think I can beat them. And Zombies....and bus drivers. I can beat them all!"

Conversation with Grace about her toddler cousin:

Me: "Gracie, do you ever understand what Sethy is saying?"

Gracie:"Yes.”

Me: "Really?! What did he just say?"

Gracie: "He said that you're a LOSER!"

Gracie gave me great advice before I went in the bathroom. "Grandma don't wipe your butt on a towel."

Gracie: "I am not afraid of ANYTHING Gramma!"

Me: "Not snakes?"

Gracie: "No."

Me: "Worms?"

Gracie: "NO!"

Me: "Zombies?"

Gracie: "Their dead."

Me: "Ghosts?"

Gracie: "Not real."

Me: "Wow, You really aren't afraid of anything!"

Gracie: "Well, maybe cliffs. I am afraid of cliffs, but there isn't any in my world!"

Gracie: "My mom keeps finding my Easter eggs and then she throws them out."

Me: "Why is she throwing them out?"

Gracie: "Well BECAUSE!... I am a kid! I can't be runnin' around with Easter eggs!"

Conversation with Gracie as we walk towards a male goose holding his ground:

Me: "Uh oh! That goose thinks we are going to hurt his babies. Gracie, why don’t you tell him that we are just walking by."

Gracie: "Quack. QUAACK! Quack. Quack. I speak goose."

Gracie: "Gramma, why are we making carrot cake and frosting from scratch?"

Me: "So that when you get older, you know how to do it. If you want cake for your children, what will you do if you don’t know how to make it?"

Gracie: "Ummm...go to the bakery.... But what if they want a Bat Man cake?"

Conversation with Gracie on the phone:

Gracie: "Happy Mothers Day Gramma!"

Me: "GRACIE! Thank you!"

Gracie: "I am at Sam’s house. And guess what?! We found a GLASS EYE in the shed!"

Me: "A glass eye?"

Gracie: "YES! A REAL. GLASS. EYE!"

Me: "Wow. That kind of freaks me out. Did you touch it?"

Gracie: "No."

Me: "Why not?"

Gracie: "Because...ITS a REAL..GLASS.. EYE!"

Me: "I am doing MATH today. Got any advice for me?"

Gracie: "Yes. Don't TOUCH the GLASS EYE! That’s MY advice."

Somehow that advice makes about as much sense as this math!

Gracie Story time:

Gracie: "Want me to tell you a story Gramma?"

Me: "Absolutely!"

Gracie: "Once there were these three Princesses and one day they were walking on water..."

Me: "I thought only Jesus walked on water."

Gracie: "Umm..uhh..Well, he was there too."

Me: "Okay. Then what happened."

Gracie: "He fell in love with one of the Princesses and they lived happily ever after."

Me: "Where did they live?"

Gracie: "What?"

Me: "Jesus lives in heaven. Princesses live in castles. So, where did they live happily ever after?"

Gracie: "He moved into the Princesses castle."

Me: "Is that all?"

Gracie: "Yep. They lived happily ever after."

As I am sitting in the living room, I hear Gracie running out of my bedroom:

Gracie: "Bye bye Butt HOLE!"

Me: "Gracie, who are you calling 'Butt Hole'?

Me: "Grandpa!"

Me: "WHY are you calling Grandpa 'Butt hole"??

Gracie: "Because..He is my friend!"

Conversation with Gracie as we cross the Tennessee state line:

Me: "Finally! We are in Tennessee. Gracie, how many states did we go through!"

Gracie: "All of them..."

Conversation with Gracie on the way to Tennessee:

Gracie: "Gramma, are we in Intucky yet?"

Me: "Nope. And it is KENtucky."

(40 minutes later)

Gracie: "Gramma, are we in Nantucky yet?"

Me: "Yes and it is KENTUCKY!"

Gracie: "That's a weird name!"

Conversation with Gracie: "WHOA..Grammma...I have GROWN! Yesterday I was only this tall...Today I am THIS TALL. Hmmm... Must’a been that cupcake I ate."

Conversation with Gracie who is just livid:

Gracie: "Gramma! Suzi said John showed her his wiener!"

Me: "He did whaaaat?? Well, That's just WRONG!"

Gracie: "Yeah! And you know what else??!! He DIDN'T EVEN WASH HIS HANDS AFTER!!"

Gracie's critique of a music video: "She is pretty. I like that ones dress. Good dancer! I think that one is drunk."

Me: "So Gracie, tell me some of the dreams you have had lately...I know you ate ice cream in Paris. What else have you done?"

Gracie: "I pooped on a chicken...."

Gracie: "Gramma, can I stay the night tonight?"

Me: "Not tonight. I want to spend time with Grandpa. He has not had Gramma for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!"

Gracie: "But I haven’t had you for SEVEN! And that is a WHOLE WEEK!"

(She had a point, but shortly thereafter, Gracie crawled in my lap when I was holding her little sister, who proceeded to scream and push Gracie off my lap)

Me: "Uh oh Gracie, I think Millie wants you off my lap..."

Gracie: "It is.. SO HARD sharing Gramma's! *sigh*

Conversation with Gracie as I am getting dressed:

Gracie: "GRAMMA! Put some underwear on!"

Me: "I HAVE underwear on."

Gracie: "Those are GRANDPAS!"

Me: "WHAT?! No! These are MINE!"

Gracie: "Oh....Uhhh..I REALLY like your underwear Gramma...hehe"

Me: "It's a little late for that, don't ya think Gracie?"

Gracie: "Hehe....yeah..hehehe. What's wrong with your bra gramma..."

Me: "Get out of here..." Haha!

Conversation with Gracie:

Me: "Gracie! Quit splashing in the tub!"

Gracie: "Is this splashing?"

Me: "YES!"

Gracie: "How bout this?"

Me: "YES!"

Gracie: "THIS??"

Me: "YES!"

Gracie: "Is THIS splashing?"

Me: "YES!"

Gracie: "What about THIS?"

Me: "YES!"

Gracie: "Do you think THIS is splashing?"

Me: "YES!"

Gracie: "THIS?"

Me: "YES!!!!!"

Gracie: "Buttheads! Anybody want me to get out of the tub?"

Me: "YEEEES!!!"

Conversation with Gracie when she vents her reading frustration: Gracie: "When I was in preschool EVERYBODY could read better than me. Now I’m in kindergarten and I CANT BELIEVE I am STILL reading Dick and Jane!"

Conversation with Sethy:

Seth: "Gramma! I AM DONE POOPING!!"

Me: "What do you want ME to do about it?"

(silence)

Sethy: "IM DOOONE!"

Me: "What am I supposed to do now? What does mommy do?"

Sethy: "hehe WIpe my butt."

Me: "But you have Super Powers! Don’t Super Powers let you wipe your OWN butt?"

Sethy: "They are broken right now..."

Me: "Pretty convenient if you ask me Sethers...."

Conversation with sethy as he jumps out of the truck:

Me: "Wow Sethy! That was awesome! Are your Super Powers turned on?"

Sethy: "No. I left those at home today. Want me to go get them?"

Conversation with Gracie while watching Jack and the Giant Beanstalk:

Me: "Gee. The King looks pretty happy, Gracie."

Gracie: "Probably because his daughter has a husband now...."

Conversation with Gracie as we watch Jack and the Giant Beanstalk:

Gracie: "Uuugh. The princess should NOT be wearing gold Gramma."

Me: "Why not?"

Gracie: "Because. It ATTRACTS GIANTS! I have been studying it."

Conversation with Gracie as she gives me the Gracie version of what REALLY happened to the dinosaurs:

Me: "Huh Gracie. I guess I never thought of that before.."

Gracie: "Its a good thing you got a grandaughter that knows EVERYTHING Gramma! Now can I have a piggy back ride?"

Conversation with Gracie while shopping:

Gracie: "I promise if you get me that Gramma, I will do chores..THREE chores.."

Me: "Okay Gracie. Three chores."

Gracie: "Okay Gramma. Carrying out my bag to the car is one of them..."

Conversation between Gracie and Sethy in the backseat after sabotaging Nathan's "date" with his girlfriend at the bowling alley: Seth: "They kissed TWICE!"

Gracie: "I caught them too!"

Seth: "That's gross!"

**later**

Gracie: "Seth THATS NOT what I want!"

Sethy: "Okay Gracie. WHAT do you want?"

Gracie: "A pony!"

Sethy: "Fine. I will get you a pony."

Gracie: "I meant a unicorn."

Sethy: "How will we sneak that in your house?"

And ONE MINUTE LATER:

Sethy: "I am going to be a superhero and I will let Gracie be the captain!"

Gracie: "And Gramma will be my.....Associate. Sethy you can be....Third guy."

Gracie: "As long as my name is Unicornia."

Sethy: "DEAL!!"

And now they are working on the "Secret Handshake." The world is in safe hands.

Quote from Gracie: "My mom is magical. SHE is IN TOUCH with SANTA CLAUS!"

Conversation with Gracie at her birthday lunch at Steak and Shake:


Gracie: "Gramma, I dare you to eat one of those hot peppers!"


Me: "NO WAY!"


Gracie: "I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!!!"


Me: "CRAP! Now I GOTTA do it! Aaaggggh!" (Yep I did it)


Me: "I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU TO EAT ONE TOO! Haha! Now you GOTTA do it too!"


Gracie: "No I don't. I am the birthday girl!"


FREAKING LOOPHOLES!!!!

Conversation with Gracie:

Gracie: "Gramma some people get Christmas colds."

Me: "Christmas colds? What is that?"

Gracie: "They don't have any Christmas joy."

Me: "That sounds awful. How do you fix it?"

Gracie: "Well, first you have to get some love..then you lay in bed a few days..Oh and you sing Christmas carols and then its poof...GONE!"

Me: "That sounds pretty good. Where did you learn this?"

Gracie: "A non-fiction movie...

Gracie: "When I grow up I want to be a gypsy. I will carry my lamp around."

Me: "That's not a gypsy, that's a Genie. Genies have lamps."

Gracie: "Well, then when I grow up I will be a gypsy and a genie...oh..AND a ROCKSTAR!"

Conversation with Gracie as she learns the chain stitch:

Me: "Whats that going to be?"

G: "A bracelet"

(A little while later and more stiches)

G: "Gramma, I think this is a necklace now."

(And later)

G: "Ummm...I think this is a belt."

(A lot of stitches and a ball of yarn later)

Me: "I think we can repel down the house with it now...How about we undo it and start over"

G: ***DEATH STARE***

Me: "Or not...."

Conversation with Gracie at Hobby Lobby as I choose acrylic paints:

Gracie: "Gramma, can we go now?"

Me: "Just a minute. I am reading to see if this gesso works with acrylic paint."

Gracie: "You ALREADY read it....but do you UN-DER-STAND IT?"

Apparently she is concerned about my comprehension abilities

Conversation between Gracie and Sethy in the backseat as Grandpa stops for a red light:

Sethy: “You can go thru red lights if there aren't any cars coming."

Gracie: "NO you can't Sethy! You HAVE to stop. ITS THE LAW."

Sethy: "No its NOT! My MOM does it ALL THE TIME GRACIE!"