Conversations with Nate, Gracie, Millie and myself

Conversation with Gracie while watching Jack and the Giant Beanstalk:

Me: "Gee. The King looks pretty happy now, Gracie."

Gracie: "Probably because his daughter now has a husband...."

***Later in the movie***

Gracie: "Uuugh. The princess should NOT be wearing gold gramma."

Me: "Why not?"

Gracie: "Because. It ATTRACTS GIANTS! I have been studying it."

           

Conversation with myself while grocery shopping after a 7pm-7am shift:

"Should you be doing this? Sleep deprivation and hunger are a bad combination..."

"Relax. I only need spaghetti sauce."

"Then WHY are we in the candy aisle?"

(15 minutes and 2 bags of Sour Patch Kids later...)

"Seriously..I had NO IDEA they had so many AWESOME varieties of KETCHUP!! Am I in HEAVEN??"

"Actually, you are in the condiment aisle. LISTEN TO ME. GET OUT OF THIS AISLE. NOW. Its NOT heaven. You are being HYPNOTIZED. MOVE!"

"Fine. DId I need cheese?"

"You don’t need cheese. LEAVE. NOW."

(Five varieties of cheese later)

"NOW your getting WINE? ITS EIGHT OCLOCK IN THE MORNING!!"

"Yeah, but technically its my bedtime."

"Ridiculous. Totally ridiculous.."

(15 minutes and a Swiffer Duster, smelly fabric stuff, and 6 sponges later)

"Gosh! I haven’t had a Nutty Buddy in YEARS!"

"Your thighs HATE you NOW! Put that back!"

"Did you see the box? FIVE grams of fiber. FIVE. Anything over four is considered health food. I am doing this for MY COLON."

"If you seriously cared about your COLON, STROLL OVER TO FRUITS AND VEGETABLES!"

"Fine. I WILL."

"SEE? Bananas! Lettuce! Apples! CELERY! Yummy!"

"Actually, I’m getting kinda tired"

"If thoughts had hands, I would TOTALLY...TOTALLY punch you right now.."

As I am sitting in the living room, I hear Gracie running out of my bedroom:

Gracie: "Bye Bye BUTT HOLE!"

Me: "Gracie, who are you calling 'Butt Hole'?

Gracie: "Grandpa!"

Me: "WHY are you calling Grandpa 'Butt hole"??

Gracie: "Because..He is my friend!"

Conversation with Millie, who can’t form words yet, so I translate:

Me: " Well, this is really our first time together Millie."

Millie: "Na ba" (I cant believe my parents did this to me.)

Me: "Say Gramma! Grammmmma!"

Millie: "Daddaa na" (I thought only grandpa's had mustaches)

Me: "Look at Gramma! Say Gramma!"

Millie: "Bzz da mm" (Can I taste your shirt?)

Me: "Do you want a nap? Wanna nappy?"

Millie: "Daddna" (Let the battle of wills begin! Hehe)

Me: "Come on, Mill, put your head down on my shoulder and gramma will rock you."

Millie: "Paaadna" (I’m gonna put my finger...right...there..Oh, is that your eye?)

Me: "Ow! Okay, put your head down. That’s it...good girl…now go to sleep.."

Millie: "Baa bop" (PSYCH! Totally had you there...hahaha! NOT Napping!)

Conversation with Nate about having to learn a second language:

 

Nate: "I don’t know WHY I have to know Spanish Gramma. How is that going to help me?"

Me: "Maybe its not all about you. Lets say you come up on a motorcycle accident and the guy only speaks Spanish. You are probably going to want to communicate with him and tell him what happened."

Nate: "I am fairly certain he will KNOW what happened, Gramma."

Me: "Okay, what if you meet this beeeautiful girl, and she only speaks Spanish?"

Nate: "There are millions of beautiful girls that DONT speak Spanish."

Me: "I am making absolutely no point here, am I Nate..."

Nate: "Nope."

Me: "Well, okay then. Lets change the subject."

Nate: "Grammaw this is TOTALLY inappropriate, but in Walgreens they sell this stuff that makes your nut sack taste like grapes...."

The completion of the inappropriate conversation with Nate, who I suspect is trying to shock me:

Nate: "Gramma this is TOTALLY inappropriate, but in Walgreens they sell this stuff that makes your nut sack taste like grapes...."

Me: "NO! In WALGREENS??!"

Nate: "Yep."

Me: "How much was it?"

Nate: "Twenty bucks."

Me: "And it makes your nut sack taste like GRAPES?"

Nate: "Hahahaha! YEEEESSSSS! hahaha!"

Me: "Maybe I will get some and try it on your Grandpa...."

Nate: "OMG GRAMMMAW! I can’t believe you said THAT!"

Me: "You still want to continue with inappropriate conversation?"

Conversation with Nate over a questionable decision he made:

Me: "You know Nate, EVERY decision you make as a teenager will affect you the rest of your life. Every single one. The bad thing is, your brain won’t be wired for good decisions until you are about 25. So, if you suck as an adult, you will only have your teen age self to blame. Kinda makes you wanna make good decisions NOW, huh?"

Nate: "What?”

Conversation with Gracie in my closet:

 Gracie: Ooooh GRANDMA! I love these high heels!"

Me: "I do too."

Gracie: “Will you be dead when I am sixteen?"

Me: "Do you WANT me to be dead when you are sixteen?"

Gracie: "Umm...No."

Me: "Are you asking me that so you can snag my high heels when you are sixteen?"

Gracie: "hehe...I would NEVER murder you Gramma!"

Me: "Well gee Gracie, I am happy about that..BUT is MURDERING me an option?"

Gracie: "I would not do that."

Me: "How about I just give you the shoes when you are sixteen. Then I wont have to be dead and you wont have to murder me."

Gracie: "Hehe. Okay Gramma."